Ever been caught in a double bind? Are you bouncing between the wall of “this absolutely needs to be done” and “I’m gonna get in serious trouble if I move to get it done”? Living in the middle of a double bind makes you crazy, depressed, and spiritually immobile.
A psychologist told me that the only way out of a double bind is to take action. It can be to absolutely get the thing done (and face the trouble—if it comes), or it can sometimes be to do something new altogether. But a person in a double bind must take an action toward his or her deepest God-given goals.
I recall a time when I finally got the courage to take action out of the black hole of a double bind. For a while I didn’t do anything except stew in the situation. Finally my dear husband took me tenderly aside and said, “Rose, you’ve got to get help.”
I went to a counselor. I saw the threatening walls of my double bind and named them. One wall was “I need to get a job.” I wanted to be a professional author, but wasn’t making any money from writing and so my “dream job” did not seem to be an option. The other wall was “Care for your family.” I had children to care for, and I was afraid that getting a job would mean that they would not be okay.
I took action. The opportunity opened up right away (thank you, God!). I got a part-time job writing a newsletter for a Bible society. So, I was writing and making a little money. But I began to see that a bigger income was necessary. The double bind threatened to close on me again, so I investigated my action options—and enrolled in graduate school to gain the skills I needed to write and understand science. At first, I was taking one class at a time and using the budget plan. It was a difficult stretch. Then, God opened another opportunity: I received a paid assistantship. I could get paid to do something I loved: Learn communication, learn science, and write a lot.
Hard choices continued to come up. My family had to move. Should I stay in graduate school and commute an hour each way? Yes. Then I got very sick. Should I drop out of school? No. I stayed in school, I graduated, I got a job doing work that I loved (teaching college courses in communication and writing skills) … and my family was okay.
Now years have passed. Life’s joys and difficulties continue onward, with choices to make at every turn. But I’ve learned the important truth: Don’t stay stuck in the double bind. Take ethical action with prayer. The Lord will close doors and open them—sometimes dramatically. Jesus will forgive you if you make a choice you have to un-make. He’ll uphold you and bless you and guide you through the next action.
My prayer for you is Psalm 143:8. Tell the Lord what you are experiencing. Then say, “Let me hear You in the morning, because I trust You. Let me know the way to go, because to You I lift up my soul.”
Rosemary Althoff, Author 