Learning Assertion
“When I saw _X_, I felt _(emotion)_, BECAUSE it means to me that …”
I wanted to write a “because …” article because the reasons WHY we react or respond to events are so important for understanding people. If I have a very strong emotional response—usually negative—to a stimulus event, it may mean that there’s a prior bad event that I have not “worked through.”
For example, I had a critical, punishingkindergarten teacher, but was too young to understand why I withdrew from friends and got an upset stomach before every kindergarten class. My emotional response to that trauma compelled me to avoid making many friends for years—lots of years— until I forced myself to make new friends by choosing a college far away from home.
Shame and blame at an early age was the “because” for my repeated negative emotions when I was presented with meeting new people. I have overcome that old dysfunctional emotion and its response by fully remembering that old trauma.
In sum, every emotion has a response. Being able to name the “because” behind an emotion frees a person to choose a healthy path.
The old dysfunctional but repetitive BECAUSE:
“When I saw a new class at school, I felt ashamed and shy because I thought I was a ‘bad’ girl.”
The new functional and repeatable BECAUSE:
“When I see a new group of people, I feel curious and excited to get to know them because I know I’m loved and accepted and I enjoy sharing that good foundation.”
Happy asserting—and exploring the BECAUSE behind your emotions.
Rosemary Althoff, Author 